Anger

It is January second here in the midwestern USA. I truly hope that for those whom I have come to know through blogging, those whom I call friend have a wonderful 2014. May it be peaceful and bountiful. That said, let me state that I am not a peaceful person. I suspect that those words will come as a disappointment and a bit of a shock to those who have come to know me here on the Internet. My husband calls me his little warrior or combatant. He says that I am at war with everyone. I will have to state here in my own defense – that is a bit of an exaggeration. But there is also a good bit of truth to what he says. Some of that is a good thing for it is what has often propelled me to stand up to injustices committed upon others. It has also served me when needing to make my way in the world at a time that women did not stand upon the same ground as men. Of course it does not always make for a peaceful marriage (do not worry – we have firmly rooted marriage). It also at times makes me look at things from a skewed perspective, one that is not necessarily correct. Oh, I know precisely where this comes from and have worked over the years on many of those childhood issues as we all do. The anger is an off shoot or a product of a) the fear of being taken advantage of, b) not feeling good enough because I was raised to believe that I wasn’t and c) understanding that there are not just 2 places in life: first and last. I was made to do competitive sports when young, both on horseback and upon the ski slope. And it was always with the understanding that if I did not come in first I was garbage. Hell I used to race against Susie Chaffee our own 1968 Olympic Ski Champion. However, I did this at about 11 years of age. As soon as I was sent to prep school all that unpleasant competition gratefully ended. Funny, I spoke with my sister about 10 years ago about this issue. I discovered that she was angry about having to end competitive skiing and riding when she was sent away to school. I needless to say had never viewed those things from her perspective. I have pretty much dealt with all of those childhood issues. Anger, like anything else can become just a habit. Unhelpful or unhealthy habits simply need to be changed. If the things that made us angry in the first place have been resolved, then getting rid of the anger is much easier. So, in this New Year I am going to do several things to eliminate any unfounded anger. I have placed here within the text two photos that represent serene peacefulness to me.

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1) I am going to look at life and at others from a more peaceful perspective (knowing full well that people are not considering taking advantage of me).

2) Within my state of peacefulness I am going to return to cooking my sweet husband good meals. By the way, I have spoiled him over the years with nothing but fresh, high quality, innovative and superb food. Recently I have said screw this, I am going to eat pre-made, pre-packaged, processed food, something never done here in my home.

3) The third thing that I shall do is become un-angry about being ill, an anger that is surely justified but rather useless. I shall do everything in my power to do volunteer work again. Volunteering has been a lifelong passion for me even when I worked for a living. My job will be to teach English to a group of Nepalese immigrants. This is unlike anything that I have ever done and shall be very challenging. I look forward to this endeavor.

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So … I am interested. How do you look at the new year and what do you wish to do differently? What do you wish to achieve? Please tell me. And … Happy New Year.

25 thoughts on “Anger

  1. This was a very interesting post, Liz. I always appreciate your openness and your honesty. I would never have pictured you as a disproportionately angry person though. We all have things that upset us, but there is a time and place for anger. I am glad you are going to get on with your volunteer work, despite being ill. As I think anyway, we must do what we can TODAY as this is the best day we have. We cannot bemoan what we can no longer do, but appreciate and use what we can do… As far as my new year, I am realizing it is never too late to begin again; and I am doing just that. Another is that I will continue to follow my goal for the past few years & continue to write as much poetry as possible, as I really think words are an important legacy. Another goal is to let certain things go that irritate me, and more and more come to terms with the idea that I am not in charge of everything and that if others fail to have the good sense to do things the way I do (LOL) it is their problem, not mine. Smiles. Liz, I hope you have a great 2014. I look forward to more of your writing!

        • Mary I put this comment in the wrong place:

          I love your words Mary, I am chuckling a wee bit as your goals are really mine written with different words. And I want you to know that you are one of those persons whom I call friend. You and your blog are important to me, even though I have taken a hiatus over the holidays. Thank you and Happy New Year.

    • I love your words Mary, I am chuckling a wee bit as your goals are really mine written with different words. And I want you to know that you are one of those persons whom I call friend. You and your blog are important to me, even though I have taken a hiatus over the holidays. Thank you and Happy New Year.

  2. there is a cool book called Being Peace by Thich Than Nacht…it has served me well over the last 20 years….i have a good bit of anger myself that i have tamed as a tiger…meaning it can rear its head on occassion…sounds like you are in for a good year if you follow through on these….smiles.

    • Young man, I do hope that you and yours had the most wonderful of holidays! Thank you or your friendship over this past year. It has been a constant and it has been important to me! Ah yes, I love Thich Nhat Hanh and I know the book. I am NOT angry. I dealt with my anger. Now I must simply did myself of the habit of angry behavior – especially since I am no long angry. ;)

  3. I suppose I look on them as an opportunity for change. I often wish to improve myself (the usual weightloss,etc.). This year I wish the same, but wish even more to act. First step toward it this year is taking the GRE this weekend.

  4. For the past, so many that I lost track, years I have reflected on new years eve that the then past year was the worst of my life and hoped the next to reverse the trend. This year I didn’t hope. At least not yet. Interesting that the subject of this post is anger. I posted my poem entitled the same on new years eve. I’ve been writing my way out of the darkness for a while now. My mantra now “no expectations – no regrets” Maybe I’m on the right track for me.

    • Stormcat, I read immediately your poem, well several poems. Now I must come back a comment. I did not have time before. I really appreciate your comments here. I have found that the key to releasing anger is to forgive (whom or whatever has angered you). At first you might not “feel” forgiving. You might say: “I cannot do this for I do not mean it.” But it is the best way, so you say: “OK, I do not mean it but I forgive Joe for XXXXX.” And keep saying it. Better yet, forgive yourself for any and everything. It will release you – you will have a good year. This does not mean that all of the events that happen to you will be pleasing, no, it means that you will react to them differently so that they become less bad.

  5. Oh my friend, I love how real you are. YES to the healthy nourishing food. Processed food is likely the cause of so many cancers. Bless you for doing volunteer work even though you are ill. And what meaningful work, teaching English to the Nepalese. Wow. I have had, as you know, a difficult year myself. What I will do differently? Not Buy In to other peoples’ stuff. Easier to say than to do, in a family……..I also will stop waiting for the universe to hand me my dream but will take positive steps towards making it happen….I look forward to sharing another year of writing with you, my friend.

    • Hi friend. Hugs. I disagree with something that you and I said. No, I will not work with persons when ill. To do so, is bad for me, my family and for them. So, I must get in touch with my old friend and tell her.

      Dog gone – I can here the wind whistling around the corners of the house. It is meant to be 8 below. I have not looked yet. I think normal temp here at this time of year is 35ish.

  6. I don’t make resolutions. Why? because it feels bad when you don’t do things you’ve planned. The changes in my life of resent few years showed me that any plans I make the life makes own corrections. What I like for the New coming Year? I want to find peace in myself and to work further on my passion. Is it much? I hope not.
    I also understand if people make resolutions. Sometimes you need to do so. I don’t say I never will make myself. Maybe at this moment of my life I don’t need it. I understood how little sometimes you need to be just happy.
    I red this (and other) your posts and the first time I thought about the anger as a reason of all kind of problems. It’s a good tip to think more of it on my way to quietness.
    Have a nice, creative year!

    • Rasa, I loved seeing you! Thank you for your visit! I do believe that perhaps “New Year resolutions are a cultural thing.” Especially for the young. I am OLD and view them a bit differently today.

      • I think resolutions are not really cultural thing. It can help sometimes for people to do things for what before they didn’t have time, were not ready, didn’t dare or etc. As far as I understand I’m different generation than you but I don’t make resolution and didn’t make before. If I want to start sporting because my back hurts of long sitting I will do it without any resolution. I think it depends on a person. It’s always good as long as it helps. So, why not?
        My recent life is changed so much (moving to live to other country) and that is what makes me think differently about my constants.

  7. I read somewhere that resolutions are in vain – unless it’s something you feel good about… saying I will run 10 km per day is useless… I find it quite boring.. reading is another thing… I assume you enjoy cooking so that will hopefuilly be easy to achieve, but do it in moderation — there is a competitive element in cooking that one has to be aware of (I love cooking too).

    And then anger.. a very useful tool to have in your toolbox… but no reason to make it quixotic. There are ideal worth fighting for… there are those were we end up battling windmills. I think I understand you a lot more after this Liz, being competitive can make you a winner… we need our victories.

    Have a Great new year with your resolutions

    • Bjorn, I love what you have to say. What you do not know is that I am a person of extremes. This is to say that I would have cooked to extreme years ago. But I am 67 and have slowed done a bit, am no longer competitive and value my quiet time. Thank you Bjorn. Savor those victories! mine are smaller but much more meaningful today.

  8. My new year’s resolution is to become less fearful. I have discovered that I’m afraid of many things — afraid of talking to people, afraid that I’m not good enough, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of making silly mistakes that it stopped me from trying new things, etc.

    I’ve used anger to cover up fear as well. Reading your post is comforting and encourages me. Let’s do what we’ve set out to do!

    • Ravenblack, I totally understand your fear. Totally! I believe that you have already taken the first step to living fearlessly, by speaking of it. I have felt it all. We were taught to fear, both of us. I have worked really hard to get rid of my own, relatively successfully – on my own. Good to see you. Good to reflect upon things together. Keep me up to date with your your success. Hugs! Liz

  9. Dear Liz,
    Thank you for such clear honest sharing. I think anger is easier in some ways than sadness or fear, which is why many people find refuge in it. I have a couple friends and relatives who seem to feed upon it, but it takes so much energy to maintain that level of negative emotion. It seems to me that you have already done much to fill your life with the support and stability that you did not have in your childhood, not the least being a strong relationship with someone who you love and who loves you. What a wonderful foundation and launching point for being whoever you want and need to be. Your photos are wonderful, and I am wishing for you all the peace and comfort of those images for the new year.
    Warmly,
    Naomi

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