A New Day

Initially I closed my comments a couple of months ago to have the time to write new poetry and have time to read the poetry of others. However, the best laid plans of men etc, etc. I have written nothing. I can say that I have had the pleasure of reading the poetry of others leaving a comment or not. This period of time was nonetheless very productive. I finally nudged myself with the assistance of several autobiographies and biographies to that place where a decision had to be made, write or not to write? For a long time I have wanted to write about my mother’s WWII scrapbooks. They tell a story – but what story? Sometime after reaching that conclusion I knew that I had to incorporate my own story into my writing. There has been no movement except for a niggling little voice saying, “who do you think that you are, who would wish to read about you?” I know, I know, childhood stuff of which I should let go. Then I started reading an autobiography of Ivana Lowell (Lowell as in the poet Robert). My library is filled with biographies and poetry. There is not much fiction. Ivan Lowell is a member of the famous Guinness family as in “dark stout,” something that my grandmother used to give me with a steak when I came into New York for a weekend from prep school at fourteen. I clicked with Ivana! I felt a real identification. I have also been reading about the Bouvier sisters and was fascinated to find that our childhoods had similarities that made me identify with them too. Please understand that for me to be able to identify with anyone at all is a real coup. This identification process comes at the age of 66 years. Not feeling good about oneself is always the result of numerous accidents of fate and planned developments in ones history. I think that the most difficult thing in my life has been the fact that I have never identified with a soul. When I say identify, I am speaking of that feeling of having something in common with another so that you get to say hmm, there are other people in this world like me. It is the process of being able to look at another’s life and feel “wow, she is just like me.”

Reading the autobiography of Ivana Lowell has given me the permission that I have needed to begin the story of my own life. I have lead a strange life not however as unique as the lives of my sister or my brother. I was the normal one in the family, something each of my siblings shied away from. Does this mean that when writing I will have to “change the names and places” of everything and everyone about whom I write? Being a very literal person to whom authenticity is exceptionally important, the idea of changing names and places does not appeal to me at all. The other aspect of that is that I plan on using a lot of photos including those of my sister and brother. Can you see I am already worried about a lawsuit from them? And yes, they have attempted to sue me in the past. The result of that legal debacle was that they lost money they didn’t have and I lost money that I did have. Just one more thing, I stated that I am the normal one in the family, in the entire family including my parents. I knew that when I left home at eighteen I was escaping. I had no skills. I had no training and I had just been kicked out of college. I headed for Greenwich Village. I believed that I was escaping a long history of mental illness. And so I did. But you can’t really escape mental illness can you? No you cannot. I spent the next twenty years in physical pain. There was nothing organically wrong with me, I simply placed the family mental illness into my physical body.

So, my comments are open again and I shall begin to write. I don’t yet know where to begin but I shall figure that out.

15 thoughts on “A New Day

  1. Hi Liz,

    I am glad you are opening up your blog for comments again. I do thank you for the comments you made on my blog and always felt bad because I could not comment on yours.

    I understand your enigma. Real names or not. I guess you have to decide whether to write an autobiography or “historical fiction” which actually IS the truth but which has fictional names and places. I will be interested in what you decide.

    Interesting about putting mental illness into your physical body. Makes sense though.

    Glad you are going to ‘begin’ to write. The best way to begin is to begin, I think. Tell the stories as they come.

    Welcome BACK.

    • Mary, thank you. To be honest, I have really missed you, you brought a big smile to my face today. Thank you so very much! I knew that when I closed my comments that something was going to result from that act. In other words I knew that I was meant to do it, without really knowing why. I am glad to have found out. 😉

      • I also want to thank you for ordering my book! This really touches me. I follow your blog, so when you post something new I will be here. Glad to see you at dVerse tonight as well.

  2. Yes, as Mary says, just begin. Let it all pour out. I would say write it as it comes, the truth, and worry about names later…………you can edit, change, fine tune later, but let the torrent flow. I will be first in line to read your book, I promise. Memoir and autobiography are my fave reading and you are extremely interesting. I am working on a thorny write these days as well…………

    • Hello dear friend – constant friend! I know that you will be there (Pup no doubt looking over your shoulder) encouraging me on. Me too when it comes to memoir. Like I said, a library full. Hugs!

  3. yay. i am glad the silence is over…smiles…as i really appreciate being able to talk back…smiles…and i have enjoyed the pieces that you did put up in the mean time….put the pen to paper, that is where i usually start and i know that when you do magic happens….grenwich village would be a cool place to go though it sounds like it was a rough time takin that family health on as stress and your won pain…ack…cant wait to read what you got…smiles.

    • Hello my friend. I have missed you. Gee, I have really missed everyone, but it really was a period of learning for me and absolutely necessary. I really feel as though I have gotten somewhere in my head.

      I am not quite sure where to put Memoir when writing (here on the Internet). dVerse, hmm does dVerse take memoir? I guess that I am afraid of losing touch with my friends … lol. No, that is not something about which I have to worry!

  4. Liz — I am also glad you’ve reached this milestone … with the glimpses you have shared thus far in your writing, and comments … your story is rich with experience and gems … your growth through the obstacles is a testament to resilience … poised and waiting for the gate to open … start with pouring out as it comes, you can either leave it the way it falls or polish it to your suiting. I look forward to reading.

    Through my entire life … from childhood till present have had difficulties finding “someone like me”! Now I am trying to adapt and relinquish the “search” … it isn’t as important any longer. All avenues lead to what is my purpose that only “me, myself and I” can fulfill!

    Best wishes xo

    • Becca … you are a beautiful soul who always come here with beautiful bright lights and much love. You are a real encouragement with words that mean so very much to me. Thank you.

  5. Liz, it sounds to me as though so much of what you are doing is laying groundwork for, planting seeds of poems that will come along all of a sudden, when they are ready. Your prose flows smoothly and I look forward to the poetry. Let me know!

    • Victoria, thank yo for the visit. I love your photo for your icon. It shows me a face filled with love. So nice to encounter always upon the internet. I have been writing poetry for a while now, free form … a good bit of war poetry. And a good bit of haiku. After becoming ill, I spent a year – probably 2011 or 12 studying and writing haiku. I really enjoy it. Now I know that I must write memoir. It is though I have turned a corned. Thanks so much.

  6. Rooting for ya! 🙂
    I’ve never been much of a biography reader myself, maybe I should look into a few. I’m on the journey of figuring things out too. I shall be as determined as you.

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